I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
