it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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