I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
