oh god the rape fog is back!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
wow bdsm is so cute
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
