its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
