no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
