at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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