u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
