My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
