just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
