Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they're like a gay fantastic four
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
