Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
