Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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