wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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