i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
