Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
