Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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