Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize