i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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