I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
