wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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