Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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