Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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