We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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