Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
