Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
