Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
