I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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