The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
