i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
