Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
