we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I want her autograph on my taint
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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