remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
