As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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