My first STD was from a foam party
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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