well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
