So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
