Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
