i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
