I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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