Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
