Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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