omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
