Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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