I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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