You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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