You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
try to milk me bitch
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
