On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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