Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
