hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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