I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize