I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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