i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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