Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
