I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
