It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
why is half of my head shaved?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
