i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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