i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
