omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
