i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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