some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this is an emotional support booty call
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
