chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
