You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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