I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize