alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
