you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize