God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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