So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
