what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
