If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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