You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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