Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
