Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize