Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
