Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
