A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
