Whod you bang
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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