she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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