You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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