I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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