so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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