first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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