When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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