I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
