I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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