I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
