So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
