You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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