4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
