its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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