oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
