TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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