**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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