I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
