What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
