I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
