cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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