Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
