I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So. Much. Porn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
