Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize