Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
