I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
